Fetters of Grace

Oh, blessed Savior, bind my wandering heart to thee - I am ever so prone to wander, prone to doubt, prone to seek after my own way, prone to leave the One who has loved me. 

I have been drawn back to Jesus' high priestly prayer over the past several weeks - One verse, in particular, has been an astounding source of joy to me:

John 17:23

"I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me."

Whoa... Just in case you missed that, this verse is in the middle of Jesus' prayer for His disciples, but not for them only - He prays also for those who will believe. "so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me."

The God of all creation, the unfathomably majestic and great God, the holy and just King - He would condescend to love me? Not just a "she's okay at a distance" type of "love" but that beautiful, rich, oneness, type of love - The love that the Father has for the Son. 

Such riches of kindness have been bestowed upon us by the working of His great might! 

I realized recently, I have an idol...

I idolize the image of the woman that I want to be. 

That imaginary idol of a woman spends hours in prayer, 

she cooks delicious and healthy meals, 

she never has dirty floors or untidy surfaces, 

the baseboards in her house are always spotless, 

she always has gentle words of wisdom, 

she always looks put together and mascara never smears (and of course she is never proud about it!), 

she wakes early and has regular and rich times in the word of God... 

The list goes on. 

I had cried out to God, "Why can't I be this way? They are good things!!! Why won't you just help me be better?"

Ah, the audacity of my childish heart.

There is nothing inherently sinful in these things, indeed, those desires can all be good and are certainly things to aspire to! Why then do I call it an idol?

When my love of self has been so corrupted by self-righteousness that I reject the love and grace of God, demanding instead the woman that I think that I want to be, that is when it is an idol.

Anything that is taking the place of God in my heart is an idol, is it not?

I was begrudging my Creator for what I am not, all the while spitting upon the very thing that He said I am.

I told Him that I was tired of not being good enough, I said, "I know that you love me, but I just don't see how any human could." 

Wow. 

Who am I to call what God has deemed holy, "unworthy"?

Of course, this is a fine line to walk - I am not saying that this holiness is anything of myself! 

Indeed, I am unworthy, in my flesh - that is why it is all the more ludicrous for me to become so absorbed with trying to prove myself!

The King of kings made a way for me to be His child, made a way for me to be holy. He called me and made me as a saint, uniting me to Himself and loves me as He loves the Son. The worthiness that I have been given is all of Him. Anything else is a complete and utter failure. 

My friend, do you wrestle with shame? Failing to measure up to your own expectations of yourself? 

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."

For whom? For those who are in Christ Jesus. 

What is the evidence of being in Christ Jesus? 

The fruit of the Spirit! 

We cannot just continue in sin and claim grace over it. We must mortify the flesh as we run this race on our way to the celestial city, but that is by the strength of God and not our own doing! 

Lord, bind my heart with the fetters of your grace!